Religious Ramblings

I have also recently come to the realization that I can be extremely boring at times. I think it's because I chose the other extreme. I'll explain. After going overboard with partying and drinking my freshman and sophomore years of college, I completely swore off alcohol and fun. I don't equate drinking with having fun at all, but for some reason I decided a year ago that in order to be a good christian, I needed to swear off my friends, Family Guy, South Park, and being tolerant. After reading a few books I see that I have been an extremely hypocritical Christian. I am quick to judge others for their wrongdoings, but I don't even read the bible. I do lot's of bad stuff, and I haven't properly accepted the fact that my behavior isn't what makes me a Christian, it's the fact that Jesus is my savior. It's difficult when I see a lot of judgement. Iv'e been in the the church my entire life and some of the most crooked people I've ever met throw their hands up in worship on Sunday. I am one of these people and I am not judging (Yes I am but not on purpose) but I really don't think it's fair to say that Caitlyn Jenner is a terrible person for being transgender but Pastors and Deacons are allowed to cheat on their wives.  And for the record, I'm sure Caitlyn Jenner is a delight. I won't lie, some times I get confused and frustrated with God. I am told to be the light of the world but that can be a tall order. I am 20 years old and a part of me wants to be out making mistakes and stumbling the way the average 20 years old does. I can't help but feel like I'm missing out. A perfect example of this is Beach Reach. I went to PCB this past spring break with my church. Instead of playing beer pong on the beach with wasted shirtless white boys, I was passing out flyers about free van rides and pancakes being offered by our christian organization. As bad as it sounds, I was envious the entire time. I wanted nothing more than to be in the middle of it all (the partying), but I also loved the work I was doing. I couldn't help but feel like I was making a difference in these peoples lives. I do not regret going to Beach Reach at all. I think it was extremely important for me to see what was going on and feel the jealously I felt. I believe it was a Kairos moment and God was showing me that I needed to focus on him. It's something that I'll continue to struggle with but I'm working on it.